My Beautiful Chaos

So I took the plunge and registered. (FYI Registration goes up after the 28th)

As you may know, I fractured my heel Labor Day weekend. For those of you who aren’t runners, that kind of thing wrecks a training schedule – especially when the event you are training for is only nine weeks out. The silver lining – I hadn’t paid for it yet. The elephant in the room – that was the perfect excuse not to try.

I have spent the last 6 1/2 weeks hemming and hawing about whether or not I was going to register for this race. Why? Because I was coming off of an injury?

No. The truth is I hadn’t committed because the dumb bitch in my brain still has some sway when she whispers “you can’t do it.”

Screw her.

One of the best things about running longish distances is the time you get to spend alone with yourself. It seriously clears out the cobwebs. It is for sure cheaper than therapy. Today, I decided it was time to work through why I wouldn’t sign up for the Savannah Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon.

1. I couldn’t finish due to my jacked up training schedule. Truth – I could walk the damn thing and still finish under the 7 hour course time limit. That is a 16 minute/mile pace. I currently average about 9. I can finish.

2. Well, I CAN finish, but my time would be embarrassing. Truth – ego is a dream killer. Embarrassing? To who? People who will ridicule me for not finishing 26.2 miles(!) in a time they deem appropriate? Why on earth would I even care about those people? Nope, I mean embarrassing to me. And that my friends, is just stupid.

3. I will seriously re-injure myself and I won’t be able to run in Savannah’s first Ultra Marathon, the Rails to Trails 50k. The truth is, I could do that anyway. My last injury happened on a training run. I have a sweet friend who is recovering from an injury that happened via car wreck caused by a texting driver. Anything can happen. People have been telling me for 14 months that I am on the verge of killing my knees, hips, back, ankles, feet, baby unicorn – whatever. And the truth is my body will not be able to do these things forever. But it can do them now. It can do it on November 3rd.

So, I ran up the drive, fired up the computer, and I registered. For 2 seconds I considered the half (which, by the way, is an amazing respectable feat for all those brave enough to try it).

Then I remembered that I wrote this. And I sure as hell don’t want to write it again…

 

If you have not read this, (I will tell you…but we have to talk about this first) please do that first. Seriously. Thanks

Yeah, that will be at the beginning of all these posts. I am kinda serious about it. I realize I can be kinda snarky, this topic is kinda sensitive, and we all beat ourselves up enough. It is important to me that you know that is NOT happening here.

This is a loaded question…but I love Nicole and I will see what I can do with it.

My perfect day consists of Krispy Donuts (the cream filled kind) with coffee. A fried twinkie snack from Mr. Keller’s Flea Market. Lunch would be a sauce drenched pasta with wonders from the sea, french fries, and funnel cake. Mid day, a Jalapeno Cheetos snack bag. Dinner is a huge, fatty, rare steak with loaded baked potato, cheesy casserole, and pie. Oh, and the exercise…lifting the fork to my face and grabbing a cold one outta the cooler while I lay on the beach.

Unfortunately, like the perfect fraternity house kegger, the next day sucks. Which, by default, makes it not so perfect.

I make jokes to illustrate the biggest challenge of finding “the perfect day.” I had to tweak my idea of perfect. In May 2011, this was my perfect day. A year later, the echos of its wonderfulness still linger. I am still tweaking. This does not happen overnight. I mean, I guess it can. But for me, eating the elephant one bite at a time has allowed for a more sustainable change than choking myself.

In August, my perfect day was to succeed in leashing the dog and getting out of the door. My schedule was my biggest challenge. I knew I had to do it first. If I couldn’t make time, nothing else would matter. If I could do that one thing, it was a perfect day.

In September, I realized my legs and lungs were getting stronger. My pace was picking up. I was dangerously close to becoming a runner. Time carving had become priority and habit. Getting out the door was no longer perfect – it was typical. But, if I was going to maximize my time, I had to either eat better or quit smoking. I chose the easier of the two for me. Now, the perfect day was getting out the door and leaving the smokes behind.

In January, I was a non smoking runner. I felt better…but not great. The time had come. I had to face down food. I did a hard reset with The Daniel Fast. For me, breaking my addiction to food was no less like any other addiction. I had to rehab. I had to detox. January 1st – 21st, my perfect day was not to kill anyone. I ate nothing with or from a face. No artificial, no preservatives, no sweeteners. Nothing but water to drink – no coffee, no tea, no booze – for 21 days. Everybody made it out alive – except the 20 pounds I dropped. Yeah, 20 pounds. In fact, even with the running, this was the first real shape change I experienced.

In February, I felt on top of the world. I needed to start adding some variety to my running. I kicked up the gym work. I also needed to add some variety to my diet. Still heavily plant-based, I added in some seafood occasionally. The perfect day consisted of resisting the urge to “reward” myself with crap food and lacing up my shoes for a run or some gym time.

Now, my perfect day still looks a lot like that. I have established some fairly easy to follow guidelines for myself.

• The gym is on my calendar as an appointment. Whether I run or actually go to the YMCA, it is on there and the reason to skip it has got to be either family, business, or civic seriousness. I try to schedule it first thing so it is less likely to get bumped. Or, I tell my kids we are all going. They love the YMCA and will not let me flake out.
• I run. A lot. It is my favorite thing to do. I lift weights – heavy enough to where 3 sets of 10-12 reps is hard. It is my second favorite thing to do. I do interval cardio classes like Zumba Toning and Fitness Drills because they are excellent, the people are fabulous, it adds variety and accountability, and the people are fabulous (yeah, I know I said that twice).
• No fast food. Period. If it comes out of a window, it is probably not supposed to go in my mouth.
• Eat. I nearly always have food in the car. A box of  Lärabars are there in case of extreme emergency. I usually have a cooler with juice from my juicer, hummus and pita, apples, oranges, grapes, steel-cut oats, beans, bananas – you get the picture. This habit has kept me convenience store/fast food free since December 2011.
• Eat. My body needs food. I do not starve it. The hard reset was good because it gave me the opportunity to gauge what foods were fuel and which were hindrances. I am now largely plant-based with seafood, limited fowl, limited dairy, no red meat.
• Drink water. I don’t count ounces, I count bathroom visits. I should be in there a pretty good bit.
• Guilt. I don’t do it. If I slip, it happens. This is life. If I choose to set aside my guidelines for a special occasion, then I do. The trick is to make conscious choices. If it feels guilty, I have made the wrong choice. I am grateful for the hard reset because now, if I grant myself too much leeway, I feel like trash. If I skip too many workouts, my mood suffers. It is just becoming self policing.

My perfect day boils down to being able to answer one basic question ~

Did I make fully conscious choices to treat this life God gave me in a way that makes this day purposeful?

Yes – awesome! No – that’s okay. I learn, I grow, I tweak, eating the elephant, one non-artificial bite at a time

 

If you have not read this, (I will tell you…but we have to talk about this first) please do that first. Seriously. Thanks

Yeah, that will be at the beginning of all these posts. I am kinda serious about it. I realize I can be kinda snarky, this topic is kinda sensitive, and we all beat ourselves up enough. It is important to me that you know that is NOT happening here.

Definition of DIET

- food and drink regularly provided or consumed
- habitual nourishment
- the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reason
- a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one’s weight 
- something provided or experienced repeatedly

Origin of DIET

Middle English diete, from Anglo-French, from Latin diaeta, from Greek diaita, literally, manner of living, from diaitasthai to lead one’s life

The above edits and empasis to the definition are mine. And while I do not purport to have the authority to just change the English language, I do think that taking into consideration the origin of the word justifies a reclaiming of the idea.

The word diet is not bad or good. It is amoral. It is just a word. Unless it pisses you off. Then it has to be dealt with.

It pissed me off and it had to be dealt with.

In January. Nearly 4 MONTHS after this original post.

Lesson – you gotta be ready for you. There is no outside force that will do this for you. There is no knowledge, no article, no lesson learned, nothing cerebral that will make this happen. If you have a habit you want to change, you have to want to change it.

Lesson – Just saying you “really need to do” something. Doesn’t mean you really need to. It means you really want to need to. I wanted to need. When I actually needed, I did. It is all about choices.

The truth is, I wanted things to work the way I wanted them to work. I wanted to do what I wanted to do AND get the results I wanted to get. I wanted to feel strong, look strong and be strong while eating all the things I used to eat. Essentially, I wanted to be a ferrari that ran at an optimal level off of whipped cream…is that really to much to ask?

Truth:

Notice the word “diet” needed the descriptive “bad.” And there is no time qualifier. “Diet” is not a program – it is a lifestyle. Diet is not a rigid set of unbreakable pass or fails. It is an evolving, daily practice of choices. These choices are not independent of each other. They are big picture choices, “if/then” choices. And they are widely personal. What works for one may not work for another. Food may not be an issue for you. This may be easier or harder. For me, it was, and continues to be, an amazing battle of the wills.

I LOVE FOOD. It was one of the biggest jokes when the Husband and I were dating. He couldn’t figure out where it all went! I am an amazing cook. I appreciate great meals. I eat for pleasure and not purpose. If I am hungry and the food is not great, I won’t eat. If it is wonderful, I will eat…and eat…and eat.

Simply put, I quit smoking before I changed my diet because it was easier.

I needed a full reset. Not a permanent change (I had tried Atkins years ago, and while it worked, it was not sustainable), but a serious “control-alt-delete” reset. I looked into a few things. I knew what I didn’t want

• fad diets that require long term usage to maintain
• shakes, powders, pills
• artificial
• expensive

I opted for The Daniel Fast. It is 21 days of over achieving veganism with some spiritual help. Why it appealed to me

• I can do nearly anything for 21 days
• it did not require me to buy anything but food
• it was completely natural
• it is super easy to follow

In a nutshell

DON’T

• consume anything with or from a face (meat, cheese, seafood, dairy, butter – nada)
• consume anything processed
• no sweetners (no sugar, no honey, nada)
• drink anything but water (no coffee, no tea, no booze, nada – water!)

DO

• drink LOTS of water
• eat anything from the ground (beans, nuts, whole grains, fruits, veggies)
• start on a slow day – you may feel a bit tired/cranky the first day or so. Lots of water helps

Side note – I tried to limit grains, beans, etc. to breakfast and lunch. Almost full veggie dinners. Some folks have done this and go heavier on the the starches and grains. Their weight loss isn’t as great. I was really heavy produce (high bulk/low calorie). And I exercised throughout – the energy level bounces back quick.

AFTER

• Be super careful what you reintroduce and how. I had a steak on day 22. I was sick for four days after.
• Be mindful what what you reintroduce and why. I had successfully cut out processed, artificial foods with ingredients I couldn’t pronounce. Could not think of one good reason to go back to that. Except for Jalapeno Cheetos…I miss those things…
• Figure out what works and keep it simple. I basically figure if it comes out of the dirt or the ocean, it is fair game. Everything else has to be considered on the “if/then” scale.
• Pay attention to your body during and after. I have found that my skin is one of the first things to gauge the quality of my choices.
• Be kind to yourself. You are doing this to be a healthier you. Guilt, stress, self-beratement does not equal good health

Me now

• I almost never eat red meat. It makes me feel physically bad. Occasionally I will. So far in the last 7 months I think I have had red meat 3 times.
• I LOVE pork. Bacon is the main reason I reject vegetarianism. I limit my pork to very rarely. Maybe once a month. It is a treat – not a staple.
• I have eliminated most dairy for the same reason as red meat. I can tell a difference when I eat too much of it. I use an almond creamer for my coffee as that is the only major adjustment that I needed to make for daily use. I still love cheese on my sandwich – but it too is a treat.
• I eat some fowl. Not often. Once or twice a week.
• I love whole grains, beans, legumes, etc. This has replaced the meat products and provides the calorie count I need for long run days. I tend to stay away from them late in the evening, but they make a great breakfast!
• I love my juicer. I use it for those veggies I probably would normally eat. I hardly ever put fruit in it as I would just assume eat that. I have found that I can throw nearly anything into it. As long as I top it off with apples, it tastes good.
• I won’t eat out just anywhere. And I won’t eat just anything. And I am not tacky about either. Staying focused AND positive are important.

In all this, please remember, I am not stuck up about any of it. I treat myself to frozen yogurt. I have had a burger with cheese off the grill. But I did opt to NOT have cake on my birthday. I have indulged and I enjoy it. But it has its limits and consequences. I don’t do it like everyone else and I don’t expect folks to do it like me. But I am apprecaitive of what I have learned, and continue to learn from others. And I hope I have been helpful here.

Enjoy your lunch!

 

If you have not read this, (I will tell you…but we have to talk about this first) please do that first. Seriously. Thanks

Yeah, that will be at the beginning of all these posts. I am kinda serious about it. I realize I can be kinda snarky, this topic is kinda sensitive, and we all beat ourselves up enough. It is important to me that you know that is NOT happening here.

If you missed my First Steps…
…or Some Excuses

This is not supposed to be the next step…this revelation actually didn’t hit me until my Daniel Fast. But, with it being the Nation’s Birthday tomorrow, I figured we should talk about cake.

This is a beautiful, nearly ready to give birth, 210 pound April Groves. And 210 may not be so bad…except I started at 130. 80 pounds ladies and gentleman (look at that neck!)  And while my Savannah was a respectable 8lbs 15ozs, that is still little better than 10% of my total weight gained.

Since I was in the Navy, I had to go back to work 6 weeks after her birth. While you can wear your maternity uniform for a while after that, who in world does that? In my 11 years in the Navy, I NEVER saw one woman come back from maternity leave in their maternity uniform. We maybe should have, but we did not.

The Cliff Note’s version is I got down to 160 before I had to go back to work. Yeah, that uniform was a sight. I had a job conducive to regular and extended gym time and a great workout buddy (not as great as you, Mel!) Next thing you know, my post pregnancy body was doing some crazy stuff. So I egged it on. Atkins was king and the gym was my friend. I got down to a lean 120 pounds with muscles to boot.

I learned a lot on that journey. I learned that ~

• water was the absolute best thing I could put in my body – ever.
• Weight training is the key to all shape issues.
• Weights can be heavy, and that is good.
• Food matters.
• You can get your body back.

But, what I didn’t learn was the importance of sustainable change. My health and wellness was not in a GNC store or a diet book or a fitness magazine. I thought that it was and I loved them all. But, as we all know, over the course of the years to come, I would put back on 40 of those pounds – and I ain’t knocked up.

I say ALL of that for a few reasons

• If you have taken off and put on, you are not alone
• If you have started, quit, started again, you are not alone
• If you have tried stuff that worked and then didn’t, you are not alone
• If you have huge goals to make, you are not alone

Basically, you are not alone.

I chose to do a hard reset with my eating at the beginning of the year. I will get into the hows and the whys later, but for now I will just say that the Daniel Fast was one of the best choices I ever made. I read most of the book. In it was my “Damn it!” moment. Face palm included.

Susan Gregory said something that should be obvious. Obviously, it wasn’t. She discussed a situation that occurred during one of her fast times. Her daughter in law had prepared a special meal. In that meal were foods not appropriate for the fast. Do you know what Susan did? She enjoyed the meal with her family.

She cheated. She gave her self some breathing room. She enjoyed her life. She practiced moderation. She was not stuck up about it!

And that’s what I had been. Totally stuck up. Either all or nothing. Militant or complacent. That isn’t a lifestyle – it is a life sentence. And that mentality only leaves you looking for parole!

I came to understand that there are times when strict discipline is necessary, especially during the beginning stages of a particularly difficult habit change. But, while many of us believe that grace and forgiveness are wonderful gifts to give to others, we rarely find it appropriate to gift it to ourselves.

Now, I gauge myself.

• Have I been allowing too much “moderation?” It is easy to tell – I feel bad. I call them food hangovers or endorphin withdraws.
• Am I about to partake in something for which I know I have very little control? I try very hard not to eat donuts. I love them. I will eat the whole box. Moderation be damned. Yeah, I need a 12 step. I probably won’t eat even one because I just can’t.
• Am I going to enjoy this or feel guilty about it? If it is just going to make you sad, leave it alone.

So tomorrow I will probably not have any cake (it is kinda like the donut thing). But I will most likely eat a burger. I may even put cheese on it! Of course, I will probably log some miles before the festivities too.

Because it isn’t about quick fixes – it is about living my best life.

Enjoy the holiday!