So, I guess this is the first post of many that I will write over the next 18 years.  55 posts if my math is right.  It is a baby’s birthday.

Ask me what my favorite holiday is and I will tell you, “Birthday!” Yours, mine, theirs, whoever’s – I love birthdays. And my kids are my most favorite.

My Savannah is turning six but we had her party Saturday. A pool party to be exact. And my Savannah, never to miss a connection, decides on a “Lilo and Stitch” cake and Luau decorations. Instead of party hats, we had leis, with my Savannah picking out her own very special one. And, of course, Webkinz were the present of the day – the pink poodle winning the grand prize. (Please notice the missing tooth – it is her first and she is so very proud.)

It is not often my heart is light and heavy at the same time. But it does always seem to happen during a birthday party.

My 5 year old, is brilliant.  Really – these are not just the words of a proud mommy.  Her brain works faster than most, with more clarity, and catches more information.  While it excites me to no end to think of the awesome woman she will become – dealing with an strong willed, logical, 5 year old master negotiator can be some what trying.

Typical conversation goes like this
Her – Mommy, can I have (whatever)
Me – Not now
Her – Why?
Me – Because (whatever reason)
Her – But (“objection” to the reason)
Me – No sweetheart
Her -But what if (“solution” to the reason)
Me – No
Her – But (repeat objection/solution)
Me – No
Her – But (reword and repeat objection/solution)

Does this sound familiar to anybody else out there? I laugh because I hear adults speak to each other this way sometimes.  I have even had end this back and forth with a salesman the same way I end it with my daughter.

Me – Do you have any new information to add to this conversation?
Her – No ma’am (she pouts, turns around, and finds something else to do)

I love being a mommy – it is truly one of my favorite things. My four daughters are a joy in my life and I wouldn’t trade them for a thing in the world. Ask them and they will tell you – I am the best mom in the world. In fact, I do consider myself the perfect mom.

***Begin playing sappy music***

McDonald’s is not a staple of our diet. We have family movie night. I am cautious of the movies they watch, clothes they wear, music they hear, and the friends they have.  We discuss values and citizenship. We see the dentist twice a year and the doctor for regular check ups. We discuss stranger safety. Chores are a must. School work is priority – even in the summer.

***Record playing sappy music scratches to a halt***

Let’s get real…I am a great mom, relatively.  While all the above statements are true, let me let you in on some more truths.

We rush in the morning to get to school on time. They probably watch too much TV.  The kitchen isn’t always clean. I don’t read to them for 30 minutes every night. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. They brush their teeth at least once a day, but definitely not after every meal. There is always laundry to be done. We don’t always eat together. I am ready for summer break to be over. Sometimes dinner comes out of a box. Their room is a mess and I am tired of fighting about it. I have made the mad dash to Wal-Mart to get supplies for a school project that is due the next day.

Why tell you all this? Because I believe I am not alone. I believe that there are a ton of mommies – probably most – out there who feel overwhelmed and under performed most of the time.  I believe that these moms (dads too?) carry around heavy guilt that makes the hardest job in the world even harder. I believe that we think we are the only ones dealing with these feelings and ask ourselves why we can’t have it “together” like the super mom who lives down the street (who, by the way, is probably thinking the same thing about you.)

I believe there are far too many of us asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?”

The answer – Nothing, except being human.

I believe our children deserve the very best we can give them. I don’t think that looks like perfection. I think it looks like unconditional love. Kids don’t care so much about “stuff” when they feel protected and cared for. Don’t believe me? Watch a kid’s face light up when they get the one present they wanted most.  Then watch his heartbreak when you won’t play with him. The toy means nothing without the love.

We spend so much time trying to be a perfect mom to the world and then feel like a failure when we can’t pull it off. Wouldn’t that time and energy be better spent on something you can do – like being the perfect mom to your kid?