The following from The Word Among Us made me think in a multitude of ways.

“Many that are first will be last, and the last will be first. (Mark 10:31)

After seeing the rich young man walk away sad and hearing how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God, Jesus’ disciples were uneasy. If it was difficult for such a worthy person to attain eternal life, what hope did they have? Could anyone be saved? So Peter spoke up: “We have given up everything and followed you” (Mark 10:28).

Jesus was quick to reassure Peter that he saw every sacrifice he had made. Not only did he recognize all that Peter and the others had given up, he assured them of blessings in this life and eternal life in heaven. This promise doesn’t apply just to the big sacrifices—house, family, or land. There are times when small sacrifices cost us a lot, too. Jesus sees every time we hold back a sarcastic comment, every time we interrupt our day to help a neighbor in need, every time we offer a short prayer of intercession for our sick cousin. Not one of these acts of love, faith, and trust goes unnoticed.

But Jesus didn’t just reassure Peter and the others. He wanted them to see that they could go even further. As they turned from their old lives, the floodgates of heaven would open even wider and pour out more blessings! The further they went, the greater their reward! It wasn’t enough to rest on the knowledge of the promise of eternal life. They weren’t at risk of losing anything, but Jesus wanted them to see that there was more possible! God is always calling us deeper into his life, but we should never lose sight of the fact that he also sees everything we’ve already done, and it pleases him deeply. He won’t forget it at the last day, either.

So how far do you want to go with Jesus? To the ends of the earth? Do you want to be filled to overflowing? Then keep pursuing him! Stay open to him, and let him strip away more and more of the old nature—in his gentle, gradual way. Be assured: As much as he strips away, he will give back a hundredfold in blessings, clarity, peace, joy, and assurance.

First it made me check whether I was counting myself worthy or not. Although it was a quick thought of “yes you’re confident in your salvation” it did make me know that checking myself on this periodically is not totally an unnecessary exercise.

Next it made me remember that it is very easy for me to get caught up in the strong and ever flowing revealed truths that get my heart and head racing a mile a minute. As my relationship with God deepens, it is an exciting journey and in this I think grand. This meditation was a good dose of the reality that we don’t have to cure all of the world’s evils or even our own in one fail swoop to please Him. The small stuff is just as pleasing and those daily instances need to become ingrained habits for me. In other words stop feeling like it has to be a big, noble gesture to count.

Finally it reminded me that as He calls me deeper He is stripping away the old nature. It is more than okay that I have baggage for Him to strip, that it is a process that does not include a magic wand that will poof me into the Christian that I think I should be and that it doesn’t have to be all ugly to be effective. While this stripping is not always comfortable I can take comfort in the blessings, clarity, peace, joy and assurance to come.

So much from one little meditation.

I will not give up too soon.

This phrase is becoming the mantra of my life. And while it feels exhausting at times, I am glad it is one of those things that stuck when it I heard it.

I think about it regularly – in business, in my family and in my faith – I will not give up to soon.

I have given up before. I call them my “God divorces.” Understand that while I am attempting a bit of humor, it is only to make those moments in history palpable and understandable. If you have never been there, you don’t understand the depth of the hurt a God divorce creates. But through the word divorce you get the general idea.

If you have, trust me, we are okay. While we sited irreconcilable differences, He did not. This is the definition of blessed.

God divorces happen for the same reason regular ones do – money, jobs, circumstances. Mine happened over women and behaviors.

Well intentioned but sorely misguided “church women” who gave the worst advice ever to a young twenty something woman.

God and I got back together through the counsel of a not so churchy but amazingly equipped friend.

Later, my understanding of hell and the people who were supposed to go there rocked my faith in His behavior. If that was who He was, I was out.

God and I are dating again. How thankful I am for the One who finds me worthy of pursuit and romance. He will not give up too soon.

Neither will I.

Birth is the sudden opening of a window, through which you look out upon a stupendous prospect. For what has happened? A miracle. You have exchanged nothing for the possibility of everything.
~ William MacNeile Dixon, (1866-1946) British author and academic

You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful. I know it with all my heart. When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother’s womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there.
~ Psalms 139:13-15

What an obvious statement to say I was born. But, I am finding it necessary to place a pinpoint on my “Start”. Birth is obviously not my actual beginning. However, as I cannot (or do not) consider factors prior to my birth as formulating my person, birth seems like a good place to start.

Explanation – Of course I respect and understand that factors prior to my entrance are important. DNA, family legacy, etc. contribute. But really, as if sorting the filing cabinet of what makes me a person isn’t crowded enough…

Explanation – A starting point is important. I was not dropped into existence a 33 year old woman. All that I am today is a net sum of every single step I have ever taken.

I was born the eldest child to the best parents in the whole world. Their backgrounds were amazingly different, I think. Even as I write that I realize how much my parents don’t talk about their childhoods.

The life lessons taught in my home were practical ones. Good people were good, bad people needed to be considered and evil needed to be shot. Belief was encouraged if you came to it on your own. Religion was allowed if we could participate without their involvement. Dedication was fine, evangelism was not.

In all it was the perfect garden to grow two things – wonderfully open minded, loving and tolerant children and confused adults.

I am okay with this fruit. I would prefer it to an oppressive, bigoted view. However, I am hoping that I am able to promote a bit more structure within my on family while still achieving that quest for understanding and belief through ones own seeking.

Prior to adulthood I participated in baptist youth group in spurts. I “accepted Christ” at the age of 10 during a skating party. I was baptized ten years later. I didn’t know what I was doing either time. I don’t find fault with that. Not every step on a journey is always understood.

I am committed to still walking.

Money is tight all over – for me, for my friends, my customers, my clients – everybody. It is the one thing that gives me the most anxiety. I have spent a good deal of time trying to talk to God about it. I say trying because I always get distracted by the thoughts and end up just talking to myself.

During my morning reading (which I stopped in the middle of because I felt the strongest urge to tell you this), an interesting series of events happened. Today’s reading is John 15:12-17 with a focus on v.14 - You are my friends. The reading discusses the friendship of Jesus and how we are supposed to display His love to the world by reaching out and being that kind of friend to those in need around us. In part, it read

Even with our busy lives and rushed schedules, we can make room for the people around us. And when we do, we find that we are touching not just a lonely person but Jesus himself.

“Lord, teach me how to be a friend to the people around me. Open my eyes to see you in the lonely, the burdened, and the needy.”

Well that’s all well and good, I thought. But I need provision for me, not guidance to provide for others. So, I gave very little attention to today’s reading and went searching for the reading that says God is going to take care of me! So, I wondered, what was the reading for last year on my birthday (I am using The Word Among Us for my daily readings and they are archived by date). June 30, 2009 reading is about Abraham and Lot. As you can imagine, the focus was not on how God took care of Abraham, but how Abraham interceded for Lot. In part it read

Did you ever think that, like Abraham, you may be the means by which God saves another person from danger—either physical or spiritual? It really is possible.

”Father, in mercy you have stretched out your hand to me. As I draw closer to you, share with me your concern for your other children. Show me the role you want me to play in their salvation. Embolden me to say ‘yes’ to you.”

Seriously! I am looking for provision for me and yet another example of me for others. Hmmm, I hear in my head, how very good of you to worry about your results and your situation above all others. How very Christlike of you (not!). You keep asking God to provide for you, He tells you how and you blow Him off.

The thought began to get lofty and very Mother Theresa and I heard, there you go again. This isn’t life in theory, this is life for real.

I make money when I serve other people. I become wealthy when the service I provide to others is so red carpet rock star that they always come back to me and they send their friends to me. My cash flow goes up when I complete a project, remain on task, deliver on time and do what I say I am going to do without fear or hesitation.

When my cash flow goes up, so does my expendable resources, so does my ability to be charitable. I can be charitable now, in my limited way and I will. And God is providing for me right now – in my ability to serve others.

I am reminded to stop focusing on results and keep my eye on my purpose. I am reminded that fear paralyzes and that fails everything.

Anyway, just wanted to share…