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Lent 2012

February 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

It is weird not rolling out of bed, grabbing a cup of coffee, and logging into Facebook to chat with 1500 of my closest friends – especially since that isn’t my normal routine anyway. Typically the alarm goes off, I hit the snooze, grab my phone, and log in before I do anything else.

It took me a minute this morning to think about the alarm, think about the phone, and seriously consider, “ok, what now?”

Sounds a bit silly? Sure, if Facebook isn’t your thing, I am sure it sounds absolutely ridiculous. To understand, you will need to replace my thing with whatever your thing is. Don’t have a thing? Introduce yourself to me because I didn’t realize I knew anybody like that. I must milk your brain for the secret.

But for the rest of us, the thing(s) are real. When deciding what to do about Lent, they are usually the first thing that come to mind or the last. Facebook was the first thing that came to my mind some weeks ago. I spent much time in prayer trying to hear a different direction. I do business on Facebook, I have two babies coming during Lent, I am having my marriage blessed, I collaborate to solve all the problems of the world! (Ok, that last one is a small stretch)

But, prayer, as it is wont to do, only solidified and strengthen the proper path. And here I am. Facebookless. All the happenings of the world going on around me and I am none the wiser.

Or am I?

I still grabbed the phone. Couldn’t click Facebook since I deleted it from my phone last night (some temptations just have to be managed). So, I opened up my feedreader instead. It was affirming (which is still irritating as I get through the withdrawals) and encouraging (which is just what I needed).

 Debating politics and fighting the culture war are honorable endeavors, but they alone will not make us holy. The Lord wants a contrite heart. So for the duration of the Lenten season, I will try to write about spiritual things, things of the Faith, things that bring people — all people — closer to the heart of the eternal God who made and loves them.
~ Leila, Little Catholic Bubble

While I don’t think my Lent is purposed exactly the same as Leila’s (for those unaccustomed to Lent, this is not a bad thing as we are each called to pray, abstain, and give alms in a way that is right for our relationship), I hung out on her phrase, “they alone will not make us holy” for a long time. “Debate” and “war” tug at me as well. I think I will write about political things, but not in a political way…hang with me this season…I am not sure I know what that means quite yet.

At no other time are the paradoxes of the Christian life more evident than during the season of Lent. While the world looks upon this as a time for sadness and glum faces, the church sees it as a springtime of healing and restoration. While the world sees sackcloth and ashes, the church rejoices in the promise of forgiveness. Where the world sees a call for self-denial, the church sees an opportunity for greater intimacy with God.
~The Word Among Us

And there is that. The call, the obligation, the opportunity to be joyous in the sacrifice because the result and the purpose is good. That is still hard right now. I miss the forum. I miss the comfort zone. I miss the routine. But the ashes are blessed and the soul needs the renewal.

This will be wonderful.

 

Filed Under: Blogging, The Journey

Hello 2012!

January 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Welcome, 2012.

I am really glad to see you. Thanks for giving me a bit of extra time to send off 2011. We really were great together. It was a fantastic opportunity to learn, grown, and experience. But, that was yesterday…rather yesterday yesterday. Call me fickle, but you, 2012, are now my true love.

You will understand if I decline to make “resolutions.” Seriously, I have enough stress and pressure in my life. You will allow me this one simple pass. I have shared with you things that I have learned and plans I aim to take. That really should be sufficient. Thanks.

And I will promise to attempt to respect you more than the ones before you. I appreciate that you are the holder of time. You dispense  at a constant rate, you do not allow additions or withdraws. I am understanding more all the time how valuable you are and how much I take you for granted. I will do better (so don’t let the stories 2011 told you matter in the least.)

And that is the deal you and I can strike, dear 2012. In lieu of ridiculous resolutions, I will instead not bring the ugly and unfortunate from 2011 into you if you promise…oh dear, I guess you can only be who you are and do what you do…

But yes, we will strike the deal anyway…because if I hold up my end of the bargain, you will naturally give me your best…and in turn, you will get mine…

Yep, it’s good to see you…

Filed Under: Blogging, Day to Day

Daniel Fast Breakfast Day 1

January 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

1danielfast1a1 1danielfast1b
See the full gallery on Posterous

Filed Under: Uncategorized

God in the Chaos

December 20, 2011 By 1 Comment

Alrighty, so we all grow and evolve right? I too grow and evolve. Some folks don’t like to talk about it too much because they feel like, well I don’t know what they feel like. I do know what I feel like.

  • Go public and mess up – that’s always fun
  • Put it out there and change your mind – flip flopper
  • Make the statement and be misunderstood – there goes those hurt feelings
  • Have the conversation and be berated - party in the house!
  • try to do better and then be picked apart and judged – number one on my bucket list

Well, here’s the deal. All that stuff is scary and all. But, I have come to the conclusion that scary does not make my choices for me…and scary certainly isn’t the way I wish to run my life.

So I will tell you I have been VERY occasionally posting on another blog called “Shared Quiet Moments.” Very occasionally because writing about faith was difficult for me. Sometimes it still is…but, it has become obvious that I am supposed to write about it more…at the very least it should influence my writing (and everything else a bit more). In fact, dealing with this idea has slowed down all aspects of my writing – professional, personal, the book…that cannot be allowed to continue. It is time to move forward.

What does this mean? There will be a bit more God in the Chaos. It also means if you also read Making Life Work for You, you may notice some changes over there as well (but maybe not so obvious).

What does this not mean? I am not attempting to convert or push…I am simply sharing. I am also disclosing my bias. If you are single, that is your perspective. If you own a dog, love hunting, own a business, enjoy wineries…that is your bias. I am a Catholic and this is one of mine.

It also does not mean that I am instantly perfect. My husband will attest to that :) Honestly, I am not sure what exactly it changes, but I just wanted to warn you. I am fairly certain I will still call bullshit bullshit. Oh lookie there, I will :) I am certain my sarcasm level, while dimmed a bit because I do not wish to go back to negative or mean, will still be a major characteristic. I am certain I will still discuss beer, skanky girl toys, ridiculous politics and the like. I am certain I will still be me…just as always…with slight upgrades…

Chaos 2.0 (or ver. 12 – I lost count).

Filed Under: The Journey

Super Pissed at Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon Savannah 2011

November 7, 2011 By 1 Comment

Ok, so maybe I am not pissed at them…maybe I am super pissed at me.

The Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in Savannah was this past weekend. However, it has been sold out since August. I didn’t even run my first under 10 minute mile until mid September. It wasn’t on my radar.

Ok, so maybe it was on my radar. I get lofty like that. I had a bunch of friends that were running it. Some were doing the full and lots were doing the half. I can do a half. 13.1? Sure, why not? I had already scored a 10 mile run (it was slow, but I finished). Yeah, too bad it’s sold out. Because I could so do that. Yeah.

Then came the day I logged an 11 mile run at a 9:43/mile average. That was cool. Then came this tweet from Bigbie… (one of the best running buddies. Ever.)

The “this” he is referring to is The Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon. Evidently some spots had opened up. As in not sold out. As in Cinderella can go to the ball. As in me. As in 13.1. In front of people…really, behind people.

Yeah, no. Quick brush off about registration fee and work and volunteerism…blah, blah, blah. End of subject.

I mean really, those things are a big deal. And who wants to run a race they have never even seen before, right? And really, isn’t it more responsible to not hurry these kinds of things and just make sure you are super prepared? Right?

Whatever. I chickened. Worse – I self sabotaged. I worked so hard to convince myself that this was a great decision that I had almost convinced myself I wasn’t really a runner. My run log last week was seriously lacking. Why? Because maybe I would never be prepared and maybe I started too late and maybe there are all those folks out there who really are runners and won’t that be embarrassing…

Now it was Saturday afternoon…Sunday…reports, stories, pictures are coming in. It was great, it was fun, it was wonderful. And none of them got handcuffed by the imposter police because they didn’t score a 6 minute pace.

And I missed it. Worse than missing it. I chose not to do it. I allowed my brain to jack up yet another wondrous capability that is mine.

So this morning I said screw it. I laced up my shoes and went for a run. Some where around mile 2 I felt better. Somewhere around mile 5 I thought about when I would turn around. Right around mile 6 I realized – I am going to run 13.1 today – because I can!

And that is exactly what I did. In under two hours.

I didn’t get a medal or a picture to post on facebook. But I did get a front row seat at life lesson reminder number…well, it’s a big one.

Forget fear. Forget brain jacks. Forget made up lies about inability and substandard fortitude.

Guess who will be there November 3, 2012 ready to eat 26.2 for breakfast. Until then, I have some new words to remember.

“Do it for fun…even if it is Monday.”

Filed Under: The Journey

The Big Why…

October 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

As most of you know, I have returned home to Keller Williams. As much as I loved my new construction family, when an opportunity comes along that speaks to your heart, you gotta just take it. I have had a few of those. And, in all honesty, I am really hoping one will stick. Not since the Navy have I found a place that I felt suited me and, in return, I suited it.

During these times of transition, there inevitably comes a great deal of soul-searching. Just to make the decision to move takes a great deal of introspection on what is important, what are my priorities, what goals am I trying to accomplish…

WHAT IS MY BIG “WHY”?

And I don’t know really. But I do know I figure stuff out while I write. I also know that putting it on paper is a good (although sometimes uncomfortable) practice. I also like recording the thought process – maybe you guys will see where I jumped a thought. Maybe I will see it myself.

I think I basically want to live my life to its fullest potential on my own terms.

HA! The “Big Why” is actually pretty easy. The explanation of is what takes a bit of work. And I intend to talk about it in no particular order.

I like being in control of my own time. Nothing is worse than having your schedule ruled by someone else. Now, that is not to be confused with submitting control of time to those I care for and enjoy doing for. I do not mind bed time stories, helping on the farm, making a big dinner, taking long walk and those things which are done for the benefit of others. However, it is my choice to offer up that time. It is not demanded of me. My livelihood and financial well-being does not depend on it. My calendar is mine.

I like being in control of my own choices. Money helps a great deal with that. Outings, excursions, hobbies, recreation, community enrichment – these things have greater opportunity with greater funding. So I am looking for some greater funding. Do I love money? No. I love the greater breadth of opportunity that money allows.

I like being in control of my own work. I am not one of those folks that say, “work should never feel like work.” Frankly, I like the way good work feels. I honestly like the way good, tough work feels. I do not mind working hard. I do not mind the challenges. I do not mind stretching capabilities. I do, however, want to be doing all those things in a field of work that I believe in and is a good fit for me. I want to be able to choose which tasks I do and which I delegate. I want to be able to control which challenges I take on and which I leave to those better suited at the time.

I like being in control. Period. While I understand and appreciate the purpose and appropriateness of relinquishing control in many circumstances, that should be my decision. Knowing these things are important. They contribute directly to overall wellbeing of your mental state. I should know – my mental state is in constant need of attention :)

I am going to live more positively. Part of that is understanding boundaries and enrichment. These are things that build up and these are things that tear down…I am focusing on the things that build up…with occassional distraction by those things that tear down.

But hey, nobody’s perfect

I live my life on my own terms.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Last Day, First Day

October 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

One of the coolest sayings ever is, I think, a Chinese Proverb or an African Proverb, or who knows – but it is cool.

“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”

This is my last day. I usually wait until New Years. But why wait.

I usually do it with a bit more silence. Why? Because this isn’t the first time I have had to do it. I have to remind myself over and over again how easy it is to slip into bad habits. And again, I have to do a hard reboot and, with intention, and in the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard

I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We’ve made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they’ve done.

And when I say “enterprise” I mean myself.

And we all know about compromises and retreats. Ok, well it has become obvious that not ALL of us will admit to knowing about them. But I do. And most people do. And it builds compassion and empathy.

Invade – Assimilate – fall back. How many times have I given into negativity, anger, frustration based on the ugly behavior of other people? How often do I berate myself for allowing the voice in my head to drag me down when it is in fact the voices of other people around me talking garbage into space? How often would I say, “Hey, you dropped that trash on the ground,” but fail ever to point out the pollution being given sound and hurled into space?

Has it become so acceptable to bash beliefs, thoughts, ideas, people because they are not as cool as we think they should be. Sure our ideas differ. Sure we find wrong things that others find right. Sure there are moral and ideological foundations of which we will never agree. But does that lead to condescension, hate, and plain ugly? No more, not here, not today.

I may never lose my snark. But I am deep sixing the negative – again. No more can’t, won’t, frustrated, sorry when it ain’t my fault, tired when I should be excited, sedentary when I should be on fire, confined when I should be busting.

Today I encourage you to plant your tree – literally or proverbially. This is Day One. Everyone is cultivating something. Everyone is growing a thing. I decide to grow something beautiful and purge the weeds. You are welcome to join me. I am who I am because it is who I am created to be – not because others around me have decided to trash the day. In the same respect, you are who you choose to be. Others can affect this choice only insomuch as we allow them to. There is energy and goodness – I plan on harnessing it all.

And for you nosey little ones

  • Yes I regularly see things online that piss me off
  • Yes I regularly see things online that encourage me
  • Yes I am addicted to Pinterest
  • Yes I finally saw the Green Lantern and decided to flex my will
  • Yes I will slip and violate my own dedication to no more ugly
  • Yes I may at times hide behind snark
  • Yes, I am trying to make “yes” my new favorite word.

Filed Under: The Journey

If I Duct Tape You to a Chair, Will You Read my Book?

September 22, 2011 By 3 Comments

So, as some of you may know, I am going to do it. I am going to write a book. It has been a long time coming. I am blessed to have a few people who have encouraged me to this decision – some for years. I hope they don’t expect to get the book for free. It would be nice to sell at least 5 copies.

I am amazingly blessed to have Lisa Dalton as my writing coach. Actually, she would be better dubbed “The Book Midwife.” I have been writing blog posts at roughly 600 words for so long, the chapters seem endlessly long.

Lisa asked me an interesting question.

Why is your book valuable? Why would anyone care what you have to say?

Ummmm. Because I am mostly cute and have a shining personality? Yeah, she didn’t let that answer fly either.

There has to be an answer to the questions. When the labor pains get tough or the naysayers get loud, you have to know what the answers are.

The answers feel amazingly narcissistic. Makes the whole process seem narcissistic. There is a mood of boastfulness that makes me uncomfortable and I can’t shake it.

Do you intend to be narcissistic and boastful? Seriously, are you writing this book because you want to show the world that you are a Grade A ass who really just wants to sit around and focus on herself?

HUH? Of course that isn’t my intention.

Then what is your intention?

I intend to enjoy my God-given talent of putting nouns and verbs together in such a way that will make one woman, one, wife, one mommy feel not quite so alone. I want to put on paper all that is eff’d up in my brain so that one person will know they are not crazy – or at least not crazy by themselves. I want to honor all that is good in me so that one tired soul will be reminded of the same good in them and they can get some rest. I want to talk about it honestly so that maybe one woman will have the words and maybe one man will too.

Everyone has a story. The ones that get told the loudest are usually not those of folks just like you or just like me. I am the paycheck to paycheck family. I am the 4 kids, no nanny mom. I am the big dreamer who still feels wide ass awake. I am the giver who often feels like she has nothing to give and takes too much. I am the parent who can manage to follow exactly none of the “perfect mommy” rules in the “your precious child” handbook. I am the sister, daughter, friend who feels closeness and emptiness all at the same time because I think you deserve so much more than what you got in me. I am the fighter who knows, at least at some level, I am a great warrior, full of goodness and possibility – I just wish I could remember that all the times when I forget.

My book is valuable because I am valuable. And so are you. My book is important because I am important. And so are you. I care and you care because for a minute we have been wondering if we really are the only ones that think this way. And now we know we are not.

I go to fashion my “you are the last person on the planet who doesn’t get it” shield. I offer to you as well. As Spartans we will be able to weather the valleys in the shade of togetherness.

And I have duct tape and first hand knowledge of its effectiveness in adhering some one to a chair. So there is that.

Filed Under: The Book

I Want to Be Friends…

September 13, 2011 By 3 Comments

I am feeling differently about my social media. I am very careful the way I word that. I do not mean that I have outgrown, matured past, moved to a different level, grown tired, gotten better, become worse or any other judgemental idea. I have always believed, and continue to believe, that social media behavior is a lot like parenting – there are some things that are obviously tacky, others that are wrong, some that are downright criminal, but outside of that, we all raise our kids our own way since we know them best.

In my area, I was a very early adopter of social media. I enjoy it and it suits me. Professionally it is a fantastic tool and personally it is a great outlet. I am fairly open and relational. I met a lot of people. A lot of great people. I have a bunch of folks from my local community, childhood in my circles. I have over 2000 emails in my personal email cache, over 2100 Facebook friends, and over 700 Facebook followers.

I do not want to do this anymore.

Now before Todd Carpenter gets all excited that he has won, let me explain. I do not think I have been handling my social media incorrectly. If there are those who still choose to deal in high volume, that is wonderful. I understand the stance. I support it. I think it can be very effective when appropriate.

I no longer feel appropriate.

We are losing our battle with all that is personal and real about our business. Every day I can look at a list of phone calls only partially returned. Driving home, I think of what was not accomplished, instead of what was accomplished. The gnawing feeling continues. That families are sitting waiting for a call from us, waiting to hear the word on a contract, or a General Manager’s thoughts on an upcoming season. We are pushing numbers around, doing our best, but is there any real satisfaction in success without pride? Is there any real satisfaction in a success that exists only when we push the messiness of real human contact from our lives and minds? When we learn not to care enough about the very guy we promised the world to, just to get him to sign. Or to let it bother us that a hockey player’s son is worried about his dad getting that fifth concussion. – Jerry Maguire

So today during a particularly introspective time of prayer and contemplation, it occurred to me that deep sixing the social media profiles was a good idea. Nix it all – Facebook, linked in, (choke) twitter (choke). Keep the email, blogs, phone and text. Why? Those things foster real relationship, real community.

This idea has been floating around. Clint, Mike and the like will tell you – twitter follow suggestions should come with a reason. Connections should come with a purpose. Relationships should be, well, relational.

So, I don’t leave without warning. That isn’t the purpose. I am trying to enrich relation – not destroy it. An amazing thing happened – there was connection. And there was confirmation. I had someone say it was sad to reconnect after 20 years and then I am gone – when the truth is we had not “connected” – we had simply “friended.” Would I like to connect with her – you bet your britches. She was a wonderful person then and I am certain she is wonderful now.

In closing, I have been vetoed. I will not lie – the coax to stay will boast my ego for at least the next five minutes. I am not unreasonable. I understand that I may be behaving over zealously (It wouldn’t be the first time). So, I will adjust my thoughts.

I am taking a play from Todd’s book. Sometimes in that there are mistakes made. I was momentarily worried about that. But then I realized…my friends, should they fall victim to my minor mistake of social media faux pas, will forgive me :)

Filed Under: Web/Tech

I’ve just been informed by my 4yo at her open house that these are “sensory bottles”

September 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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Filed Under: Uncategorized
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