As most of you know, I have returned home to Keller Williams. As much as I loved my new construction family, when an opportunity comes along that speaks to your heart, you gotta just take it. I have had a few of those. And, in all honesty, I am really hoping one will stick. Not since the Navy have I found a place that I felt suited me and, in return, I suited it.

During these times of transition, there inevitably comes a great deal of soul-searching. Just to make the decision to move takes a great deal of introspection on what is important, what are my priorities, what goals am I trying to accomplish…

WHAT IS MY BIG “WHY”?

And I don’t know really. But I do know I figure stuff out while I write. I also know that putting it on paper is a good (although sometimes uncomfortable) practice. I also like recording the thought process – maybe you guys will see where I jumped a thought. Maybe I will see it myself.

I think I basically want to live my life to its fullest potential on my own terms.

HA! The “Big Why” is actually pretty easy. The explanation of is what takes a bit of work. And I intend to talk about it in no particular order.

I like being in control of my own time. Nothing is worse than having your schedule ruled by someone else. Now, that is not to be confused with submitting control of time to those I care for and enjoy doing for. I do not mind bed time stories, helping on the farm, making a big dinner, taking long walk and those things which are done for the benefit of others. However, it is my choice to offer up that time. It is not demanded of me. My livelihood and financial well-being does not depend on it. My calendar is mine.

I like being in control of my own choices. Money helps a great deal with that. Outings, excursions, hobbies, recreation, community enrichment – these things have greater opportunity with greater funding. So I am looking for some greater funding. Do I love money? No. I love the greater breadth of opportunity that money allows.

I like being in control of my own work. I am not one of those folks that say, “work should never feel like work.” Frankly, I like the way good work feels. I honestly like the way good, tough work feels. I do not mind working hard. I do not mind the challenges. I do not mind stretching capabilities. I do, however, want to be doing all those things in a field of work that I believe in and is a good fit for me. I want to be able to choose which tasks I do and which I delegate. I want to be able to control which challenges I take on and which I leave to those better suited at the time.

I like being in control. Period. While I understand and appreciate the purpose and appropriateness of relinquishing control in many circumstances, that should be my decision. Knowing these things are important. They contribute directly to overall wellbeing of your mental state. I should know – my mental state is in constant need of attention

I am going to live more positively. Part of that is understanding boundaries and enrichment. These are things that build up and these are things that tear down…I am focusing on the things that build up…with occassional distraction by those things that tear down.

But hey, nobody’s perfect

I live my life on my own terms.

One of the coolest sayings ever is, I think, a Chinese Proverb or an African Proverb, or who knows – but it is cool.

“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”

This is my last day. I usually wait until New Years. But why wait.

I usually do it with a bit more silence. Why? Because this isn’t the first time I have had to do it. I have to remind myself over and over again how easy it is to slip into bad habits. And again, I have to do a hard reboot and, with intention, and in the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard

I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We’ve made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they’ve done.

And when I say “enterprise” I mean myself.

And we all know about compromises and retreats. Ok, well it has become obvious that not ALL of us will admit to knowing about them. But I do. And most people do. And it builds compassion and empathy.

Invade – Assimilate – fall back. How many times have I given into negativity, anger, frustration based on the ugly behavior of other people? How often do I berate myself for allowing the voice in my head to drag me down when it is in fact the voices of other people around me talking garbage into space? How often would I say, “Hey, you dropped that trash on the ground,” but fail ever to point out the pollution being given sound and hurled into space?

Has it become so acceptable to bash beliefs, thoughts, ideas, people because they are not as cool as we think they should be. Sure our ideas differ. Sure we find wrong things that others find right. Sure there are moral and ideological foundations of which we will never agree. But does that lead to condescension, hate, and plain ugly? No more, not here, not today.

I may never lose my snark. But I am deep sixing the negative – again. No more can’t, won’t, frustrated, sorry when it ain’t my fault, tired when I should be excited, sedentary when I should be on fire, confined when I should be busting.

Today I encourage you to plant your tree – literally or proverbially. This is Day One. Everyone is cultivating something. Everyone is growing a thing. I decide to grow something beautiful and purge the weeds. You are welcome to join me. I am who I am because it is who I am created to be – not because others around me have decided to trash the day. In the same respect, you are who you choose to be. Others can affect this choice only insomuch as we allow them to. There is energy and goodness – I plan on harnessing it all.

And for you nosey little ones

• Yes I regularly see things online that piss me off
• Yes I regularly see things online that encourage me
• Yes I am addicted to Pinterest
• Yes I finally saw the Green Lantern and decided to flex my will
• Yes I will slip and violate my own dedication to no more ugly
• Yes I may at times hide behind snark
• Yes, I am trying to make “yes” my new favorite word.

So I don’t normally post my Turn Around Tuesday Post here…they are usually over at Making Life Work for You. But, this one felt a bit different. And I like it better here…

Language… has created the word “loneliness”
to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word “solitude”
to express the glory of being alone.
~ Paul Tillich

Today’s column is taking longer than most. So maybe it won’t take longer to write. But it is certainly taken longer to get started. Mostly because, until this very moment, I wasn’t even sure I was going to write it.

I have had the opportunity in the past few weeks to spend some time, nearly every day, alone. Of course I am running at a roughly 11 minute per mile pace for an hour. But it is proving to be worth it.

This past holiday weekend I again had some time to be alone, to be quiet, even to nap. Sound relaxing? It isn’t. It is soul-stirring and that can get all kinds of crazy wires crossed.

Here’s what I know, and forgive me as I inject some Sunday thoughts into a typically weekday column, I am never alone and I know who is with me. I am never making decisions by myself and I am always looked after.

Here’s what I don’t know. I don’t know why. And I certainly don’t know if I make the right decisions all the time. In fact, I am certain that I do not. The most confusing part is I am not even sure if I the decisions I am making even involve the subject I would best be suited tackling. Are you throughly confused? I apologize. I told you I had considered writing nothing today. This is why.

But I am certain it is not just me. I watch the looks on people’s faces regularly. I converse with a good many of them and eavesdrop on others. It is clear that purpose, function, path and intention are large subjects in the lives of most people.

So I put it on paper so that you would know – it is not just you and you are not alone.

Today I encourage you….

Thanks for the coffee,

I am getting used to my funky music affirmations I downloaded from ipopin.  I don’t feel quite so weird hearing and repeating to myself these little one liners about how great I am gonna make life. Maybe because it’s working (not quite ready to release the possibility of coincidence.)

There is one on there that I really like. The music is strong, the voice empowering, and “I step into the flow of intention,” and she means it, therefore, so do I.

There is one that confused the whole thing for me.  She is setting her intentions and releasing expectations.  Huh? I thought the point was to expect goods things. Now, we are here releasing those expectations and concentrating on intentions.  My brain chewed on this thought for a while.  I am always uncomfortable with things my head can’t understand it, but it still rings true to myself.

Aha! I can’t explain to you the entire thought process that lead up to this moment (you would be confused and asleep before I finished).  So let me give you just the end result.

Intention- a determination to act in a certain way, resolve.
Expectation – the act or state of expecting (to look forward), anticipation

There’s the difference acting vs. looking.  Resolve vs. anticipation.  Action vs. Inaction.

That’s why it rang true to who I am.  I am a personal responsibility kind of girl.  I believe that  if you want it – work for it, if it’s hard – be harder, scary – do it scared.  Non voters don’t get to complain about politics. Non exercisers don’t get to complain about feeling weak. Non runners don’t get to complain about being slow…you get the point.

So now, I set my intentions and let go of expectations. Expectations always messed me up anyway.  I would have how it “should be” so firmed up in my planners brain, that any deviation (even good ones) would wreck the whole endeavor. Expectations are fine, but understand how little control you have over their materialization.

I expect to be productive today – if those around me don’t have the same expectation, I’ve got problems because I can’t control them.
I intend to have a productive day – nobody can touch that.  I own it. It has everything to do with my resolve and determination.

I have left behind expectations…I really like this intention thing.