Today she asked – What is Balance Anyway…

I get all jammed up with this idea of balance. It is my perception that most folks talk about balance in the context of time. For example, my life is balanced because I spent x amount of time at work, then x amount of time with my family and then x amount of time on myself.

However, if on this particular day, one of those things required more attention and you failed to adjust your schedule for the sake of balance, how does it feel in your core?

I prefer to discuss feeling centered. It may be the same thing, in fact it probably is. But I have this thing with words and the choice of word can make all the difference to me. “Balance” locks me up. “Centered” gets me excited.

And it looks like lounging in bed and not feeling guilty about it. It is working late and knowing that no one is being neglected because of it. It is pursuing a hobby that has no other productive quality other than it feeds your soul and feeling good about it.

The beds are made, the coffee is hot, the clothes are ironed, the presentation is wonderful, the schedule is working – and even if I walked outside to flattened tires, I would hit that challenge in stride.

Because for me, it’s not about balance – some things are heavier than others. It is about centered – ready for anything because I am completely comfortable in my own skin. And life looks lovely.

So that you know that I am not making light of a deadly situation, I did look the accident up. Seems the accident occurred in California. Two tankers caught on fire and produced some hazardous fumes which resulted in an evacuation. But, I didn’t see where anybody was hurt.

According to the UPS website, my books should be here today and I can get on with getting smart.

Last year ended in distraction. This year started in change. It has contained many milestones and opportunities. There is even a top secret, super exciting project in the works. All this has required a step back. No, not a step back – how cliche is that? But it has required a big corporate reorganization – which is great because that meant it involved just me That is way easier to coordinate!

So, a place for everything and everything in its place. I am working on do all that I want to do. I just had to hit the pause button on a few things to incorporate the other things.

And I know you can’t have it all. That is not what I am attempting to do. But with a bit of focus, a touch of the crazies, a pinch of dream big dust and a whole lot of motivation and support – you can have most of it

Here’s the conundrum. I’d like to call the doctor and just fly this all by her to see what she thinks. What will probably happen is a CYA answer of, “You should come in so we can check it out.” I will because I am already worried. I’ll get there, she will check me out, have no real answers and send me home with orders to rest, drink lots of fluids and call her tomorrow if it doesn’t get better. I will be miraculously healed on the way home and get her bill in the mail next week.

*Note – I love my doctor. She is wonderful. Personable, professional, capable, reasonable and always on time. I get the fact that doctor’s are far less likely to say anything other than “come in” over the phone due to the litigious society we live in. Still doesn’t change my predicament

So, I won’t call the doctor and find out next week I have some weird condition that would have been no big deal if they had caught it earlier – like when I was gonna call in the first place.

When do you call the doctor?

First, let me note a few things to hedge off the “OMG – April has lost her mind” thoughts. I maybe a little quirky – but not about this.

I don’t think I am overweight, fat, gross or unhealthy. My body image is fine and I am not obsessing. I understand I am in a healthy weight range. In fact, I know I am pretty dern phenom for a 30-something mommy of four. I love myself and I am ok with the way I look.

But, the plain truth of the matter is that 15 pounds in one year is 30 pounds in two. In five years, I am 50-60 pounds out of my healthy weight range, my BMI is 32, I am technically obese and my youngest child will only be 6. People don’t ruin their health in one day…they do it over time. I am not willing to let that happen. Especially when I have a few other vices that I am not ready to deal with. Not to mention the fact that I am not excited about having to buy new clothes. Nope – we are going to nip this in the bud now.

Here’s the deal – I eat for pleasure and I *heart* food. In my teens, before kids, this was not a big deal. In my 20’s, it was only an issue the first six months after child birth. Now, in my 30’s, I have to accept that my body’s ability to withstand the fact that my favorite food is birthday cake and ice cream in dwindling.

So, I have decided on Weight Watchers. Not the meeting program, but the online accountability program. Couple of factors…

• Price – it was a good deal
• Flexibility – I lunch a lot. This is a big pain with a lot of programs. WW – I just count it.
• Accountability – The whole thought around WW is better choices with moderation. Big secret right? No. Could I do this myself with a diary and a pen? Sure. I could even use you guys as accountability folks – but that is not why I blog usually. There is a mental (hehe) thing that happens when I know that I have real points subtracted when I eat food. Appeals to my inner sportsman. Who, incidentally, if I let out more often, would have cured this whole problem.
• Everybody I know that has used it, likes it. I believe in word of mouth.

So, here I go…tapping at the door of 150lbs and knowing I really miss the land of the 130’s.

First, I think I may finally be able to be a non-crappy Twitter person! Don’t laugh – this is dream of mine. I see all these folks just twittering away – always current, “here’s what I’m doing,” little chit chats in their own twitter little way. Ugh! I could update twitter once, maybe twice, an eon!

Underachiever no longer. Thanks to Chris Cree, I have discovered Snitter. This little window of magic allows my Tweets to sit in an IM type box in the corner of my desktop. It makes little noises when someone tweets me and I can change the color. Woo Hoo! I too will be a Twitter master. Hey, you have your dreams, I have mine.

So now, I need more coffee to keep me awake because my new Snitter toy is keeping me up late at night. Unfortunately, I like yummy flavored coffee and my husband likes, well, just coffee. And since we have the thermal coffee maker, he will take the whole coffee pot when he leaves for work – and that’s okay because I love him. But it does mean no more coffee for April.

Until eWomen Network’s Holiday Extravaganza where I won the coolest thing at the Silent Auction! My beautiful, new, personal coffee maker. No mess, no hassle, 3 minutes to fresh brewed. My kids made hot chocolate this morning, and I made coffee. I can’t even explain to you how cool this machine is. They have heavy duty ones for the office. But, this one is mine. Zoe, you are the best. Thanks for the machine.

You know you want my Snitter coffee

I am so incredibly tired of spammers. What a waste of space. They used to just mildly irritate me. Nature of the beast and all that. I didn’t give it much thought.

Recently, it does more than irritate – it makes me mad. For a few days I have been contemplating whether of not I am overreacting or if my furor was warranted.

I have decided it is justified.

First – what a freaking time waster. Do I have spam filters? Sure I do. But I have to go through them to make sure something legitimate did not get hung up with the garbage. Great comments from friends of the blog, fairly important emails, and actual need to know notifications have been fished out of these filters. I hate to think about the ones I missed.

Second – I get hung up in spam filters. I have gotten a few (not too many, thank goodness) that says something like,”Sorry it’s taken so long. I found you in my filter.” Ugh!

Third (and most important) – The spam is incredibly sexually explicit. They do not live in the world of innuendo or suggestion. They are blatant and they do not wait for the message – it’s right there in the subject. That may be fine for some folks to just hit delete. Heck, I don’t even mind it – I don’t like it but I also know where the delete button is. But, I have children in my home and while we police their computer usage very carefully, keeping this out of their sight is a daunting task.

Putting the trash out there for all the kids to see. Filling the world with garbage. Nice. Good job, Spammers.

I will admit to thinking, “Who really needs to participate in another bloggy challenge?” Then I opened my feed reader yesterday (blasted thing).  There’s David Zinger over at Slacker Manager talking about positive changes for a great New Year.  Then Rosa (my mentor extraordinaire) urging that we set goals for Septemeber.  Ok – I get the point

So, GYST is a 4 week challenge to pick something and change it!  Monday is post progress day. Today is planning day.

Yes – I have picked a goal.

Chaos is awesome in my life.  It’s fun, exciting, and different.  Chaos is awful in my house.  It is depressing, task inhibiting, and continually sabotages my goals.

I am cleaning the chaos.  Clutter beware!  Goodwill rejoice!

Each day will have a room devoted to it…some rooms will require more than one day because obviously I cannot devote a whole day to the task.  I am going to start with the storage areas so that the stuff that has collected in the living spaces will have some place to go.  I am also buying tons of trash bag!

Anyway, I got real serious about taking off that baby weight.  In the process, I learned that not only do I like weight training, but it works really well for my body makeup.  Coupled with the fact that I have always been fairly strong, this regimen seemed like a good fit.

So that’s what’s bee going on over at the Energy Oasis.  Some treadmill, some ab work, lots of weights.  But, I am fairly close to my goal and really have the luxury of just maintaining.  Hmmm.  Maybe I don’t have to lift all the time.  I joined a great gym and they have Yoga.  Yoga.  Nice, relaxing, stretch, inhale the good, exhale the bad, find your center Yoga.

HA!  Yoga is hard!  Who knew?  You did probably, but I didn’t.  Downward Dog for 10 breaths and my arms felt like jello. (There has to be an I can has cheezburger caption in that last sentence somewhere).

The class was so hard that I stayed after to make sure I was doing it right.  I was and it was.  But Rorie was awesome.  She was excited it was my first class, encouraged me to keep coming back, and said it would get easier.

It better.   Don’t know how long I can live with the “kicked by a horse” feeling.

In February 2005, we discovered that we were expecting our third child.  A crushing blow came 2 months later when we found out we had lost her.  2 months later, we got the news that we were already expecting again – we were amazed and welcomed Emily into the world February 2006.  In June, we were greatly surprised to find out that our family was about to fly in the face of conventional medical opinion.  Despite multiple preventative measures, we were expecting again.  In February 2007, Morgan graced us with her presence.

2 years.  Pregnant. Wow.

Now, Morgan is 6 months old.  It’s time to face the facts.  I need a gym membership.

As luck would have it, the opportunity to obtain one occurred under fantastic circumstances.

Kathy Ackerman is the owner of Energy Oasis.  This happens to be the premiere gym and spa in Richmond Hill.  She is a member of The Women’s Business Alliance of Richmond Hill.  She hosted our monthly meeting at her gym.  While we were there, she offered all the ladies in attendance a waived registration fee, 2 training sessions, and a 40 minute Swedish relaxation massage!  Woo Hoo!  I am in.

I had my orientation session with Kathy yesterday.  Now, I am no stranger to a gym - we just had divided paths for a while.  But yesterday was an eye opener.  I have always been strong, and I still am – but boy am I sore this morning.  And getting my heart rate up for the cardio part was easier than it should have been.  Can you say “out of shape”?

But, I am very excited and am dedicated to going back today – even if it is just for my massage  

I am curious though…the current challenge is not motivation to go, but scheduling it into my day.  See, I am a hair and makeup kind of girl.  It takes me between 30 to 45 minutes to get ready.  I am looking for some tips to get in and out of the gym quickly in that respect.  Got anything?