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I Want to Be Friends…

September 13, 2011 By 3 Comments

I am feeling differently about my social media. I am very careful the way I word that. I do not mean that I have outgrown, matured past, moved to a different level, grown tired, gotten better, become worse or any other judgemental idea. I have always believed, and continue to believe, that social media behavior is a lot like parenting – there are some things that are obviously tacky, others that are wrong, some that are downright criminal, but outside of that, we all raise our kids our own way since we know them best.

In my area, I was a very early adopter of social media. I enjoy it and it suits me. Professionally it is a fantastic tool and personally it is a great outlet. I am fairly open and relational. I met a lot of people. A lot of great people. I have a bunch of folks from my local community, childhood in my circles. I have over 2000 emails in my personal email cache, over 2100 Facebook friends, and over 700 Facebook followers.

I do not want to do this anymore.

Now before Todd Carpenter gets all excited that he has won, let me explain. I do not think I have been handling my social media incorrectly. If there are those who still choose to deal in high volume, that is wonderful. I understand the stance. I support it. I think it can be very effective when appropriate.

I no longer feel appropriate.

We are losing our battle with all that is personal and real about our business. Every day I can look at a list of phone calls only partially returned. Driving home, I think of what was not accomplished, instead of what was accomplished. The gnawing feeling continues. That families are sitting waiting for a call from us, waiting to hear the word on a contract, or a General Manager’s thoughts on an upcoming season. We are pushing numbers around, doing our best, but is there any real satisfaction in success without pride? Is there any real satisfaction in a success that exists only when we push the messiness of real human contact from our lives and minds? When we learn not to care enough about the very guy we promised the world to, just to get him to sign. Or to let it bother us that a hockey player’s son is worried about his dad getting that fifth concussion. – Jerry Maguire

So today during a particularly introspective time of prayer and contemplation, it occurred to me that deep sixing the social media profiles was a good idea. Nix it all – Facebook, linked in, (choke) twitter (choke). Keep the email, blogs, phone and text. Why? Those things foster real relationship, real community.

This idea has been floating around. Clint, Mike and the like will tell you – twitter follow suggestions should come with a reason. Connections should come with a purpose. Relationships should be, well, relational.

So, I don’t leave without warning. That isn’t the purpose. I am trying to enrich relation – not destroy it. An amazing thing happened – there was connection. And there was confirmation. I had someone say it was sad to reconnect after 20 years and then I am gone – when the truth is we had not “connected” – we had simply “friended.” Would I like to connect with her – you bet your britches. She was a wonderful person then and I am certain she is wonderful now.

In closing, I have been vetoed. I will not lie – the coax to stay will boast my ego for at least the next five minutes. I am not unreasonable. I understand that I may be behaving over zealously (It wouldn’t be the first time). So, I will adjust my thoughts.

I am taking a play from Todd’s book. Sometimes in that there are mistakes made. I was momentarily worried about that. But then I realized…my friends, should they fall victim to my minor mistake of social media faux pas, will forgive me :)

Filed Under: Web/Tech

Debt Ceiling, Budget Woes, and General Stupid

July 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Alrighty, so I am not college educated. And I am “the American People.” So I am assuming the loud mouths from the President on down are referring to me when they talk about those who “don’t understand,” don’t “realize the complexity,” or “have too much ‘normal stuff’ going on to pay attention.”

However, allow me to insist that college obviously don’t make smart and my momma didn’t raise no dummy.

Seems to me folks in power like to make their job seem way more complicated than it really is. That way when they jack it up, it’s mostly because you just don’t understand. And the harder it seems to be, the less we want it and the fewer intrusions they will get because really, who wants to be bothered?

I am calling bullshit. I have run government supply, a household budget and a small business. While the federal government may be larger, it is not that different.

Let’s take my household as compared to the government. We both have revenue – I have a job the government has taxes. We both have expenses:

  • groceries (public assistance)
  • mortgage (housing assistance)
  • Health insurance (healthcare)
  • Books, lunch, supplies, child care (education)
  • Auto expenses (transportation)
  • electric bill (energy department)
  • Dog and ammo (defense and justice department)
  • cable, phone, internet (communications)
  • Beer and liquor (state department)

So, you see, it really isn’t that different. I have a certain amount of money coming in and I haven’t done really well at living within my revenue.

I have gone for mani/pedis and called it for the good of public welfare. I bought too much car because it was cool and tucked in the transportation budget. My kids really wanted those designer clothes – slip into the education money. And these purchases, along with many others, are paid for with my credit card because, as I stated, I did not require that my budget balance.

Well now, all my credit cards are maxed out. And the payments are due. And I really don’t deserve the last pay raise I got so I really can’t have another. And there are no second jobs for me out there because the job market it in a crunch.

So, I go to the credit card peeps and say “I need you to increase my limit, ‘k?”  And everybody thinks this is a good idea right?

NO! Everybody knows this is the worst idea in the world. I will just max that out and then what? I can’t pay the bills I have now. Why in the world would this credit card company increase my limit?

Because they know that if my limit doesn’t get raised that I will not only have problems paying my bills, but them too. So they need to raise my limit, but they also need to save me from myself.

So, they will raise my limit under some conditions. The money I have coming in is what I have to work with – that’s it! Those who are not responsible with what they have do not deserve more. I am already getting more than I have earned. I have to go through my expenses.

No more spa visits, designer clothes, trips to the doctor so I can have a sick note for work, steak and lobster, HD cable TV with Pay Per View MMA, drive thru, take out, latte, full service ANYTHING! And if your name is not on the occupancy list – you have to go live where it is. I love you all, but my budget says we got to buckle down.

Hey, another option is I can drive into the rich neighborhood tonight, break into a house, take their stuff and use that as revenue. Oh wait, can’t do that because it is ILLEGAL as it is known as STEALING!

Or, we could just continue on pretending like it is all to hard and to complicated and there really is nothing we can do short of, well, anything.

Or is this all too complicated to understand?

Filed Under: Political Theory

“The only thing that’s killing [heterosexual marriage] is heterosexual marriage.”

July 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

So, I am going to the coffee shop. If you don’t know what that means, please check it out now before reading any further. Thanks :) Seriously.

For a long time I have wrestled with my thoughts on The Defense of Marriage Act. While I believe in sanctity of marriage as a divined covenant with God, I also understand that my particular religious beliefs cannot be the sole argument for legislative decision-making.

The more often we come to the coffee shop, the more often you will hear that idea - my particular religious beliefs cannot be the sole argument for legislative decision-making. I have spent an awful lot of time on an awful lot of subjects applying that code.

So I considered different societal implications – children, interactions in neighborhoods, etc. I considered economical implications – tax revenues, healthcare, employee benefit packages. I considered what the unforeseen implications might be and didn’t see any – which is probably why they are still unforeseen.

And all I came up with is – it is no different from allowing a legal avenue for any other two people to marry. Any degradation of same-sex marriage – jacked up kids, crappy finances, system abuses, messy divorces – can already be found in heterosexual marriages.

Do I agree marriage is sacred? Of course I do. But many heterosexuals do not. Current divorce rates show that marriage between men and women have become disposable in roughly 50% of the cases. The is no movement to outlaw marriage between a man and a woman on the basis of mentally disturbed children, causal relationships outside of the martial bed, disinterest in the sanctity of marriage. Therefore, it is unfair to use these as barometers of a group of adults who, just as their heterosexual counterparts, are as varied in their commitment to their potential spouses.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck did a wonderful job when she said

“…to protest someone’s day I find to be without taste…The only thing that’s killing [heterosexual marriage] is heterosexual marriage.”

Some of the other women on The View said other stuff too…but, meh, Elisabeth is the only one that gets singled out here.

I understand that with my religious, conservative background, this may not be the stance expected. But these are the beliefs I currently hold. In a world so full of turmoil and discord, is this really the thing we want to fight about? With so many people unloved and bitter, are we really targeting those who have found a way to love and be loved? Do I really want to be the one to say that a hospital or jail cell or any restricted place that, “I am sorry, you are not family,” to the life partner of another person? Do I really want to be the one to say who marriage is for or who it isn’t?

Nah. I don’t think so. Do you see it different?

Filed Under: Political Theory

Back to the Coffee Shop – Maybe…

June 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

In 2007, I wrote this Blog Post ~ Going into the Coffee Shop for Hillary Clinton. You can read the thing in its entirety if you would like – we will wait. There is a State of the Union Post as well. However, for convenience, here is the part of that post that I would like to revisit here for today.

When I first started blogging, I understood the difficulties in “in the box” communication. With online talks and discussions you have a few characteristics that make some conversation difficult different.

There is no body language, no tone of voice, no real-time response. A person can read one post and not get the whole story or know me as a person and get the wrong idea. The ability to be anonymous emboldens some folks to say things they wouldn’t normally say.

So, in the beginning, I decided that there were two kinds of topics – blog topics and coffee shop topics. Some topics were fairly safe to talk about on the web while still being interesting. Others could be too easily misconstrued and would therefore be held for times when I could get together with a real person, face to face.

However, I have since realized that there is a wealth of opinionated and knowledgeable ideas out there with folks I know and trust. So, it is time to go into the coffee shop.

I will be honest, I am treading these waters very carefully. This is meant for great discussion. I may have a little or a lot to say. We will have to see.

The fact that I am a conservative should not be a surprise to anyone – but if you didn’t know, I am outing myself now. I haven’t picked my nominee yet because I like a few of them for different reasons. Immigration policy, Iraqi plans, tax reform, sanctity of life…those kinds of reasons.

I am considering reopening the coffee shop. The rant on Twitter with Russell Crowe made me want to scream. And then I just wanted to talk about it. You see, to see, he seems illogical and asinine - but what if I am wrong? Ok, so I really don’t think I am wrong on that one (he was an ass) – however, I am certain there are situations where I am. And, if not wrong, at least would benefit from understanding better the viewpoint with which I do not agree. I do not strive to argue or debate (sometimes) however, I would like to know that my thoughts are diverse and I have listen to those who think differently than I. And I would like to know that I have done my part in ensuring that my voice is also among the counted…not just Russell Crowe.

There is an election coming up, our fighting men and women are in harm’s way, our economy remains fragile, our children remain undereducated, and the 24 hour news cycle ensures all of it and more remains whipped up in a speculative frenzy so that advertisers continue to spend money with them.

That’s the thing I like about a coffee shop…we can just talk.

Just thought I would take a minute and get your two cents…

**Housekeeping ~ I do have Rules of Engagement over at MLWFY. It is the same over here :)

**Photo Credit to Ruben Alexander

Filed Under: Current Events Tagged With:

Remembering the Memorial Day Babies

May 30, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Memorial Day is such as interesting holiday. It is that wondrous four-day weekend that rolls the summer in with beer, burgers and beach. Simultaneously, we all take time to remember those who keep those beaches free, who allow us the freedom to gather together, to indulge in our beverages without fear. We remember those fighting men and women because they deserve to be remembered.

I can tell you, as I have held rank in that proud class, that we appreciate it. We are thankful. And if, I can be so bold, I would like to push that remembrance a bit farther. On this Memorial Day, and truthfully everyday, I would like us to think about those military babies.

Anyone who has ever talked with me about this subject knows, I adore the military spouse. What a strong breed of devoted individuals. However, I think even they will tell you, they have the second hardest job in the military – their babies have the hardest.

I have never been a military child. But I am the mommy to a few. They are so young and asked to deal with so much. The moves, the loss of friends, new schools, new homes, deployments, the worry, the hope, the uncertainty – and for some, the memories. These brave little ones appreciate their uniformed parents, as we attempt to give them the skills they need to cope. They love us even though we leave. They trust us even though we are unsure. They welcome us back even though it has been so long. They do it all again even though they would rather it just be over.

There is no heart, courage, or strength, larger than that of a military child.

So, I borrow a child’s salute and offer it to the children – we love you, we thank you, we could not do it without you.

**Photo credits to:

Filed Under: Blogging, Current Events, Family, Parenting

The Difference Between Fluff and Stuff

May 16, 2011 By 1 Comment

Yup! If you were here last week, you know that picture to the left means I am down 6 pounds this week. Pretty cool, huh? Not really. Think I worked out 4 hours a day or counted calories or practiced ancient mind tricks that laser melt body fat? Nope. Does that make me super cool? Nope – it is evidence that I was, in fact, “lazy and complacent.”

I will tell you that I made better choices. I ate 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. Good foods with some redeeming quality to them. Stuff with lots of color and little fat. Lots of protein little sugar – Outside aisle grocery shopping kind of foods. I did cut out sodas. I did not cut out beer. You choose your sacrifices, I’ll choose mine.

Most importantly, I focused on finding the root issues causing the symptoms, lazy and complacent, which was causing the weight gain. I was kind to myself. I was kind to others. I cut a lot of slack to anyone who needed it. I focused on my part and responsibility in any ill adventure or wondrous win – and I attempted to own them both.

Interestingly enough, I discovered that the 6 pounds I lost this week was made of the exact same crap my mental self talk is made up of – FLUFF. Non important, non real, non meaningful, non sustainable fluff. That’s why the weight fell off this week. It was the jump start and fluff is always the first thing to go. It has no substance, no real purpose. When you get ready for it to go, it just can’t hold on, it is just fluff.

This next week, I am certainly not expecting another 6 pound weight loss. I am also not expecting to make huge strides in the emotional well being department either. Most of the fluff is already gone. That which remains made up of STUFF. There is a big difference between fluff and stuff. All the things that fluff isn’t, stuff is. Long standing, meaningful, foundational, historical , rooted. Notice I didn’t say purposeful, truthful or useful – not all stuff is.

Some stuff is wonderfully positive. We have to remember to hold on to that. I would look ridiculous and, more importantly, I would be unhealthy, is all I focused on was losing as much weight as possible. I would be an emotional wreck if all I focused on were the places in which my brain and my heart are broken. It isn’t about the weight or the damaged – it is about the desire to be a better person today than I was yesterday.

But the fluff and the negative stuff are in for a whoopin’…

Filed Under: Accountability

New Year’s is Overrated!

May 9, 2011 By 1 Comment

<<<This is what I woke up to this morning. But I am not an idiot. I knew this was happening. I have ignored it for quite sometime. But during my morning meditation (which is really prayer time, but I understand this practice is different for everyone), I knew that I had to confront it. And everything that went with it. And I knew I had to pull back the curtains as well.

Curtain pulling is important. I have been watching the confessions on Scary Mommy and it is easy to see the biggest problems are not the actual things confessed, but the feeling of isolation and aloneness. So many folks feel like their demons are special only to them and they are a failure in some way. The truth is, we all have them. Fear prevents us from naming them, refusing to name hinders support, lack of support hinders the battle, lack luster battle hinders victory. To me this says that we have to take out fear first. I am not afraid.

I am particular about my physical appearance. I make no excuses or apologies for that. I accept no judgement for it either. It is the way I am wired and I appreciate the barometer that it provides for other aspects of my life (we will get to that in a moment). Therefore, as it is beneficial to me and it is not a quality I require in others, I own it and value it.

I have gained 15 pounds in 6 months. For my height, this puts me on the outer limits of “normal” on the BMI scale. Not that I have ever put a whole lot of stock in “normal” but in this instance, the value refers to scientific guidelines on “healthy.” In that regards, “normal” is pretty important.

Understand, I am not a person that believes there is a certain dream weight or size that we should all strive to attain. There isn’t. I have been a gym rat size 2 in my late 20′s. The husband didn’t like it and good thing – the regime was so strict, I would have never been able to maintain it. Interestingly enough, I have come to the conclusion that if it is that hard, maybe it’s not my right fit. Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate hard work and dedication to the science of healthy – it just shouldn’t be a near impossible feat.

I am a person that believes that most things are consequences and symptoms – not necessarily the main issue. My weight gain is not the issue – it is the barometer speaking to the issues.

Since my bout with postpartum depression after the birth of my second child, mania and manic have been my demons to contend with. I am fortunate. They have been named, there is support and the battles – so far – have always resulted in my victory.

Since forever I have feared failure. In my family, in my social circles, in my professional life – this fear can be paralyzing. But it is named, there is support, and there is victory.

There are obviously other nuances in my self talk that create issues, but I think you get the point. I do not find glory in brokenness. There are no kudos for having the most demons. I do not believe that one person’s accomplishments are more heroic simply because the adversity was more great. I do not believe that a person must be in a gutter for us to appreciate their ability to climb to the apex. So I will not wallow – I will simply provide example so that you will be assured - you are not alone.

While I am fortunate to have victories, many demons take many victories to be completely conquered. And those battles can be exhausting. It is easy for one to become lazy and complacent. It is easy for one to justify lazy and complacent in the light of “don’t I deserve a break?” Of course I deserve a break…but breaks are uplifting and supportive. Lazy and complacent is sabotaging and enslaving. Obviously not the same thing. I have obviously allowed myself to slip into the latter.

Forget New Years…time to engage in this battle today…

 

Filed Under: Accountability

Tiger Woods Doesn’t Live in Richmond Hill

April 8, 2010 By 6 Comments

I mean I heard rumors once that Tiger was going to buy a house out in the Ford Plantation, but I am pretty sure that never happened.

So I feel pretty comfortable telling you that he does not live in Richmond Hill. While that may make a difference in the way that I feel, I am not sure it would make it any less true.

If you have been living free of any kind of media and have no idea why I am talking about Tiger, stop reading now. If you don’t know, trust me , you don’t to.

Tiger’s decision to return to the game of golf at the Masters Tournament at Augusta is being hailed as brilliant – and it is. Augusta is exclusive (understatement), sought after (understatement), and particular (big understatement). If Tiger can play anywhere without being heckled and bothered, it is Augusta.

Except Masters Chairman, Billy Payne, decided a soapbox address with some small offers of grace was a good idea. And Arnold Palmer (who I love!) thinks that Tiger should “open up and just let you guys [reporters] shoot at him.”

Since I hadn’t even had my first cup of coffee during the SportsCenter run down, I was ornerier than usual. I jumped up and exclaimed to my beloved, “Why is any of this any of their business?”

My hubby agreed and made the comment that Tiger isn’t special, this kind of thing happens all the time.

That doesn’t do it for me. If it had never happened before, it would still be none of my business.

It is the business of his wife, his family, those women and his advertisers – none of those groups do I belong to. Actually, Tiger could choose to cut that last group out, but my knowledge of marketing says that they deserve to be there.

Why should Tiger hold another press conference? Why does a guy in a green jacket get to make public comments on it? Why do the SportCenter mouths get to assert that Tiger has a lot of unanswered questions to address?

Go ahead and tell me because he is a public figure and he put himself in that position. I would almost buy that one – heck I think I have said it before. But that was some years ago when as a society we just hoped one day we would know. Today, we have this sense that we deserve to be inside the freaking counseling room with him and his wife!

As the public, we have to decide if we buy his product, support his brand and champion his cause. This creates the chance that he may invite us into the knowledge of his personal business. It does not make us entitled to it.

Best of luck to all of those in Augusta – Tiger too.

Filed Under: Current Events

David vs. Goliath

March 17, 2010 By Leave a Comment

I am currently reading Max Lucado’s Facing Your Giants. Let me go ahead and be on record saying it is a very uncomfortable read. I am constantly finding myself having to put the book down and make excuses to do something else. I can’t read it right now because I forgot what page I was on and it would simply take more time than I have to find my spot – you’re buying that, right?

This particular Lucado installment takes the story of David and Goliath and relates it to those things that makes you want to stay in the bed with your covers over your head. You know what they are. That thing that freezes you up, tightens your chest, stings your eyes. Those things that you have a hard time telling anybody about but are certain everybody – even strangers – know about you. These are obviously your “Goliaths.”

We are billed as David. Max walks us through the story of David and how we are probably more like him than we think. I am gathering this is a good thing. David is a man of many faults, but he is chosen. He messes up over and over again, but he is called “a man after God’s own heart.”

Sounds simple enough to maneuver through…yeah, if you have no giants staring you in the face. Unfortunately, I have them. I’ve named them Fred, Stanley…seriously, introspection into those things I perceive as weakness is not high on my feel good list.  In fact, the only reason I am writing this now is for personal accountability in moving through the process.

I am supposed to talk about the Goliaths I face. I am not ready to put that out here yet – I may never be…

I am supposed to talk about how majoring in God overcomes Goliath…still a bit personal at the moment…

So what can I talk about here? I can answer Max’s question

Is your list of blessings four times as long as your list of complaints? Is your mental file of hope four times as thick as your mental file of dread? Are you four times as likely to describe the strength of God as you are the demands of your day?

Sure I am – not. Oh yeah – publicly, I am putting forth the sunny face. I think it is important to be positive and uplifting. It is the way I want to feel. It is the person I want to be. My inner dialogue is something else entirely. Something tells me a good bit of us are that way.

So here and now, I am telling you that I am a blessed, hopeful, strengthened woman. I am thinking I need to set that up as an every five minute auto text to my phone…

Filed Under: Accountability

State of the Union

January 29, 2008 By 5 Comments

Coffee CupJust some talking points I managed to type up while watching…feel free to discuss responsibly, add, or just ponder. Click here to see “coffee cup” purpose.

Trust people with their own money and trust them to grow our economy.

52 straight months of growing jobs – wages are up so are food and gas.

Economic stimulus package can be hung up by add ons – that will hold up or derail it

Are you rich and like taxes? W says he appreciates your enthusiasm and the IRS accepts check and money orders.

Has cut 151 programs equaling $18B and a balanced budget 2012 – American families have to do it – so should the government

Congressional earmarks that are snuck in without discussion or vote…appropriations without earmarks cut in half will be vetoed.

Says he will issue an executive order tomorrow stating federal agencies will have to reject earmarks not voted on publicly by congress

Hope Now Alliance helps home owners avoid foreclosure. Modernize Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Tax free bonds to help homeowners refinance their mortgages

Affordable health care through consumer choice – not government control. Health saving plans, Small business availability.

Education – me must trust students to learn and allow parents to demand results.

No child left behind – 4th and 8th grade math students have achieved the highest test scores ever. Increase accountability.

Failing schools – 2600+ students in DC can go to a faith based or nonpublic school.

$330M pell grants for kids for children trapped in failing public schools.

Americans workers can compete with anyone in the world. Free trade agreement with Peru is successful and like agreements need to be fostered with Columbia, Panama and South Korea.

Columbia – if we fail to pass this agreement we will embolden the purveyors of false populism in our hemisphere…

Energy security – trust in the creative genius of innovators and entrepreneurs. Nuclear power, capturing carbon emission, renewable fuels

Advances show that adult stem cells can work like embryonic stem cells – work towards medical advances without the destruction of human life. Ban buying, selling cloning of human life – all life must be treated with dignity.

Judges should get prompt up or down vote.

Permanently extend Charitable Choice

Entitlement spending – Medicare, social security – need reform need solutions to save them for our children and grandchildren

Immigration – secure borders, fences, technology, catch and release at the border, double number of border patrol agents…but we need to find a way to lawfully allow workers to come over to support our economy. Must deal compassionately with those already here. Solution must coincide with laws and our high ideals.

Foreign Policy – 3200 Marines added to Afghanistan to fight and train. Spreading freedom and democracy reduces terror and terrorism.

Surge work with the Iraqi forces to protect the Iraqis. People understood that they were not going to be abandoned. They stayed behind and ensure the safety of neighborhoods, improvement in security, improvement in daily life.

Return on success – 20000 troops coming home…”You have our solemn pledge – you will have all you need to protect our nation.” Called on congress to fully fund the troops.

Filed Under: Current Events, Political Theory
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